I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
