im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
pop tarts are not kleenex
vagina is talking i cant
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize