So drunk its hurt
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
