Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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