bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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