I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
