I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My dick has a subreddit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
