How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just invented taco cereal.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
