About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
