This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
BRING THE BAGELS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
