I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
