The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
