just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
