The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
