maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
