Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
