Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

i would punch a child for taco bell

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(423): View more from Tennessee

By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?

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(863): View more from Florida

just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

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(214): View more from Texas

decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

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(727): View more from Florida

He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...

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(269): View more from Michigan

I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals

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(317): View more from Indiana

Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'

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