Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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