good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
