We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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