you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
