when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
