you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
