a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
