Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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