Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
