oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
