Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
