Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
