shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
vagina is talking i cant
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
