Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Boobs speak an international language.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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