He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
