GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize