Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
