im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
