He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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