I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
