i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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