Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
