I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
