I hate your face
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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