i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
