party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
