I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
did you just send me my own nude
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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