She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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