let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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