Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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