Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
