Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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