It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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