They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
even my farts smell like vagina
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
