think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize