cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
