that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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