The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
