This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
a search helicopter?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize