thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
