I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
