Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
