I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
