I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
