I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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