i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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