Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
