question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize