we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
