Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
