I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
