i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
