I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
